


Confessions of an Insomniac Hacktivist

by alisha_winchester_collins



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Friendship/Love, Insomnia, skoulsonfest2k14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2213667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alisha_winchester_collins/pseuds/alisha_winchester_collins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a.k.a - Four times Skye tried to avoid dealing with her insomnia and the one time Coulson helped her through it. (Skoulsonfest2k14 - Day 4: Insomnia)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Night

The first time that Coulson might have guessed there was something up with Skye was when he found her sitting all alone on the Bus; she wasn't doing anything in particular but the frown etched across her forehead and dark circles under her eyes told him a different story. May had flown them to the Hub for emergency repairs and they'd all been giving quarters to spend the night there but when everyone retired to their rooms, Coulson had returned back to his office here, not knowing he wasn't alone until he was on his way out. Seeing Skye in a corner of the tail end, which had been left open, staring at the hangar they'd parked in, he couldn't help but wonder if she was okay.

"Skye... I wasn't expecting you to be here." The moment he walked up to where she sat, Coulson saw her sense his presence and gave him a half-hearted smile.

"I didn't know you were here either." Skye replied, watching as he took up the same position directly opposite her.

Simple and to the point. This wasn't like her at all. Coulson remembered noticing Skye being silent most of the time over the last few days and at first just assumed that she might be ill, but when no other symptoms presented itself to anyone, he took it upon himself to observe Skye more closely. And now, seated across from where she was, Coulson knew one thing for sure already - she looked like she hadn't slept in a while.

"What can I say, even when we're supposed to be off-duty, I still have some work to finish up. When I remembered all the papers were left in my office, I just walked over after dinner to get it done." Coulson decided to wait a little before broaching the topic with her; if Skye wasn't sleeping properly then it would explain her sudden change in behavior.

"Are you going back now?" She asked, her tone sounding neutral so that Coulson wasn't sure if she wanted him around or not.

"That was the plan, but you're still here... so if you don't mind the company..." He started to say to her, wondering what exactly was going on.

"No, not at all. I was just taking some 'me-time' again but you know that you're always welcome." For the first time in a long time, Skye actually showed a real smile forming on her lips as she kept her gaze on him.

"Me time at 3 in the morning?" Coulson tried to make it seem like a light remark but when he saw Skye staring at him, he knew that she wasn't buying it. His concern for her always was obvious whenever she was around him.

Instead of saying anything about it, Skye merely shrugged but didn't look away. There was so much on her mind right now that she didn't even know where her thoughts began or ended and what it all meant; she just needed some peace and it wasn't to be found at the Hub which is why she'd retreated to the Bus. Apart from that, Skye also was aware of the fact that she hadn't been sleeping lately, mostly due to the nightmares haunting her every time she closed her eyes; and of course since their last mission had resulted in damaging the entire corridor where everyone bunked, things were starting to feel... overwhelming?

"I guess I'm turning into a night-owl." Skye finally spoke up, breaking the quiet that had settled around her and Coulson; it was strange but now that he was here, she didn't remember what it was that had woken her up this time just as she'd laid down on the new bed in her temporary room.

"Well then we both can be night-owls together." This was what he'd been waiting for, a sign from Skye herself that she was going to open up eventually. Coulson knew that chances were she'd begun to feel the stress of these last several weeks catching up to her and if he could do anything to help her, he would.

"That sounds nice." For some reason, Skye didn't object to having him around. Pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head there, she sighed softly, wondering if she would get sleep tonight.

Tomorrow afternoon, the team would take off and head towards the Playground base to lay low for a while since there wasn't much to do with no missions to follow up on, no orders coming through, no need for unwanted encounters with other people; Skye amounted her thoughts and emotions up to just needing privacy and only being with her friends was important to her.

"Have I ever told you about the first time I set foot inside the Hub?" Coulson asked from where he sat, sensing that maybe a little chat with Skye might help her sleep soon. "I was thinking about the first time you walked through those doors last year... and it reminded me of the days when I was a new agent." It was the first thing that had come to mind; being back at the Hub again brought back old memories from another life for him.

"I don't think I've heard this story... what about your entire collection of vintage and antiques in your office? When did you start that hobby?" Skye had perked up with interest when she heard Coulson mention his past; it was one of the mysterious things about him that made her curious and here he was, opening up to her and she had questions.

"Ah... well, I guess I could start with that first, save the story about my early days at the Hub for another time." Smiling now, Coulson figured it was better to talk about something Skye wanted to know about.

"Promise?" She knew how secretive he could get and even though she did want to hear about the other story, Skye was more eager to learn something new about Coulson first.

"Yes, okay. I promise." He didn't need to ask why because he never thought twice about making the promise to Skye that he would tell her more one day. Hopefully soon.

"Go on then, I want details about this collection of yours." Skye was alert, wide awake and intrigued to hear what Coulson had to say.

For the next hour or so, the two of them remained where they sat on opposite ends of the Bus, talking to each other and not realizing that time was flying past. Coulson stayed true to his word and told Skye of all his adventures and silly moments he'd experienced in getting a new item to add to his collection; Skye listened to every word without interrupting much unless she had a comment or a question, but no longer was she thinking about her own nightmares or feelings and after a while, once they'd settled into a comfortable pace in their conversation, she did start to yawn a little as sleep finally seemed to be catching up to her.

"I think its time we headed back to the Hub and get some rest before we leave in the afternoon." Coulson said to her when he finished the last of his tales for that night.

"Yeah, I guess we should... what's the time right now A.C.?" Having forgotten her watch and cell phone in her room, Skye realized that this was the first time she'd been tech-free during the past 12 hours.

"Almost 5.30 am." He stood up and waited until she joined him without another word; Coulson sensed that she was definitely close to sleeping now. The walk to their rooms wouldn't take more than a few minutes but if Skye fell asleep before, he'd carry her back if he had to.

"Wow... okay... sleep time for sure!" Skye exclaimed as she shuffled her feet and slid her hand in his without thinking twice.

As they made their way out of the hangar and towards the Hub where their rooms were located, Coulson couldn't help but think to himself if Skye was truly better now or if this was only the beginning. If it wasn't over, he vowed to come back to the Bus every night to check on her and see if she continued to stay awake for the next several days. There had to be something he could do to help her; maybe he just didn't know it yet.

 


	2. Second Night

The second night after finding Skye on the Bus while they were still at the Hub, Coulson met her again; although this time it was in a different place and at a different time. The team had returned to the Playground, spending an uneventful day unless one counted May discovering a gerbil which had somehow snuck its way into her pillow and was resting there. Following which, Fitz had been 'caught' as having brought it on board from the Hub in secret, his reasons being a small furry pet like that was better than having a monkey. All along, Skye had seemed to be her usual self... but not her old self, Coulson observed. He didn't say anything to anyone about this but waited in his room until the others had fallen asleep before going to Skye's room and finding it empty. When he finally walked on board the Bus, it didn't take him long to notice that their minivan's doors were open on either side and so Coulson slid into the passenger seat next to her, noticing that tonight she had her tablet for company.

"Hey. I thought I'd find you on board again." Was all he said to her when she glanced up and looked a little surprised to see him for the second night in a row.

"I had some work to finish up; the walls aren't really that thick on the base... I could hear Fitz's new pet squeaking all throughout the last hour. Since he's not on the Bus, I figured this was the best place to be." Skye explained, knowing that it was the truth but not all of it.

"Well at least you were disturbed by a gerbil, I couldn't get sleep with all the snoring coming from Koenig's room." Coulson admitted, "Don't tell him I said that." He added with a grin, knowing that Skye was very close to giggling just then.

"My lips are sealed." She even mimed zipping up her mouth before turning to see Coulson gazing in her direction. Knowing that he might ask her about not sleeping again, Skye dropped her eyes to the tablet on her lap and continued her fidgeting.

This time however, Coulson thought it was best that they didn't spend the next several hours talking about anything and everything; even if Skye did seem to have managed to sleep afterwards, it wasn't the best solution that he had with him because here she was, still awake and possibly going through a phase of insomnia. That's what it had to be, the symptoms matched - lack of sleep at night, dark circles under her eyes, feeling low, unusually quiet, not getting sleep even at other times during the day - something was eating away at her slowly and slowly each night but she wasn't telling Coulson what it was. Maybe she didn't realize it herself yet; but he didn't want to suddenly turn their nightly chats into interrogations because he did know that Skye was going through a sensitive part... dealing with the aftermath of everything they'd been through in the last few months with her shooting and Ward's betrayal and HYDRA taking down S.H.I.E.L.D. and almost losing Fitz, everything was surely taking a toll on her mind and yet she was keeping it all inside.

"Skye... I wanted to ask you something." The words were out of his mouth before he even knew what he wanted to ask her.

"Sure A.C. What is it?" Skye did look up from her tapping and typing to see the worried look on his face.

"What exactly is it that you're working on? I thought this time to lay low meant no work at all. We don't have any missions lined up yet and there's no HYDRA agents chasing us across the country but here you are at 1.30 in the morning, doing something on that tablet computer of yours." Coulson sighed inwardly, he should have asked her about the lack of sleep but didn't.

"Oh." Judging by the expression on Skye's face, she had not expected a question like that from Coulson. "I know that we don't have any _official_ work to be done... but that doesn't mean there can't be any work done at all." She answered, "I'm just running a few programs to monitor any outside activity from our enemy forces so that if anything does happen we'll be ready." 

"Isn't that what Koenig said he was working on?" Her response made sense to him and yet Coulson knew that Billy Koenig was asleep in his bed at that moment whereas Skye wasn't. She was avoiding the topic of her insomnia by not even acknowledging it.

"He is, but he also asked for my help. So I thought I should get started with it tonight; being a night-owl means I work better when everyone else is asleep." Skye really was starting to actually like being awake after hours and spending time with Coulson, just the two of them alone, felt good.

"You made your point Skye." Coulson wasn't going to let this go so easily but for tonight, maybe it was best if he didn't say anything to her, these were the rare moments when he could see the hacktivist in her coming back, her old self... and as much as he was worried about helping her, Coulson had to admit that he did miss this side of Skye. "How about some music to go with your work? If it won't disturb you that is." He added; maybe if he spent these few hours he had free to think about ways to get Skye to sleep something would come to mind.

"I wouldn't mind some music." She assumed that he was going to turn the radio on but when Coulson reached over, close to where she sat, Skye felt her breath hitch when his fingers brushed against her legs.

"I just need to find the keys..." He hadn't noticed the change in Skye, "Get the stereo playing when we start the van up..." His hand was still touching her ankle, "And... here we are..." The second he pushed the button, soft music began to play.

Coulson had already pulled back his hand away from Skye but she couldn't stop thinking about the way she felt when he touched her; she was sure that her heartbeats had quickened and suddenly felt very aware of how close they were unlike the previous night. Just the two of them together in this dimly-lit van; her thoughts were straying to all sorts of possibilities.

"What do you think?" Coulson's voice snapped Skye back to reality where she remembered that he was the _director_ now and she was... a consultant. An agent. Both? Neither? She wasn't sure anymore.

"About... the song?" Skye shook her mind clear of all these new confusing ideas floating around and focused on Coulson. "I think that you have good taste in music." She commented, recognizing one of her favorite songs from the 80's. It made her feel nostalgic about a time long past and yet... Skye couldn't help but think what it would be like to dance to a song like this. With a partner like Coulson.

Before she even realized what happened, Skye heard her tablet falling down on the floor; her thoughts were definitely progressing faster than she expected they would. Coulson had been watching her silently, but when he saw the tablet drop, he immediately bent down to pick it up. What he hadn't anticipated was Skye doing the same thing in that very same second and so they both accidentally bumped into each other's foreheads with Coulson holding the tablet and Skye holding his wrist.

"Ah... sorry about that." He apologized as she rubbed the spot where they'd bumped together with the free hand that wasn't holding him.

"It's fine. I didn't know... sorry." It was only when she realized that she was using her left hand instead of her right, Skye saw that Coulson's hand was in her grasp. And there was the heartbeats increasing again.

"You're not hurt are you?" Once his hand was free, Coulson didn't even think about where he had been hit but instead reached up to touch Skye's forehead to check if it was bruising; his own mind was coming up with new thoughts... of wanting to kiss Skye on that spot and of wanting to help her get past whatever it was she was going through, more than anything else.

The tablet computer was long forgotten as it lay in between both the seats where Coulson and Skye sat, facing each other, with music playing in the background, the night going by, but this moment between them feeling as if time was standing still. And as quickly as it had come, it was gone in an instant when the song ended. Realizing that they were still in the van together, they went back to doing their own thing without another word. Skye found her tablet once more and resumed work while Coulson stayed where he was, pausing only to push his car-seat behind and continued to watch her while the stereo went on for the rest of the night.

 


	3. Third Night

By now, it was no surprise to Coulson that he was bound to come across Skye in some part of the Bus every night they spent while staying at the Playground. Things were pretty much the same on this third night when he found her up on the deck, sitting cross-legged on the sofa; her eyes were starting to turn a little red by now and Coulson knew that the insomnia wasn't leaving her. He was determined to get things sorted out once and for all though. Whatever happened between them in the van had only reinforced his need to help Skye deal with this; if these feelings towards her meant anything, they had to do this together. An idea came to mind when he had spoken to Simmons earlier that evening and so before she sensed that he was there in the room with her, Coulson walked back towards the corridor where their bunks were still under repair and found what he was looking for from his office.

"A.C.?" Skye had been lost in her thoughts over the latest nightmare she'd had a little over an hour ago; her main source of comfort was retreating to the Bus but when she heard footsteps and glanced up to see no one else there, Skye found herself thinking about Coulson.

When he did return to the common area and Skye noticed him, she couldn't help but smile brightly when she saw that he really was standing there. With a box in his hand? She wondered what it meant, but based on the seriousness she could see reflected in his eyes, Skye knew this was important.

"What's this?" She asked him when he'd sat down on the sofa next to hers.

"Something that hopefully will help both of us pass some time tonight. And maybe get boring enough to make us fall asleep soon." Coulson replied as he set the box atop the table in front of them.

"Okay... I don't know what you're getting at A.C." It was obvious to her but she didn't want to let him know that she was suffering from a bout of insomnia; everyone went through it at some point in their lives but they moved on from it soon enough.

"I think you do. And this is going to help." Tonight he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Opening the lid to reveal what lay inside the box he'd brought out from his office, Coulson waited to see what Skye would say next.

"Chess?" She frowned in confusion, not knowing what a chessboard meant in terms of 'help' at all. "Are you saying we're going to play a game of chess?" Skye was still puzzled by Coulson's idea but a part of her wanted to see where this went.

"The chess is just a distraction. We can either sit here and play how many ever games we can all night long and do this every single day. _Or_ we can talk about what's bothering you and the reason why you haven't been sleeping for almost a week now." Coulson stated the terms of his plan to her.

"Or we could try and do both." Skye suggested a third option, knowing it probably would work more in her favor of playing the game and not talk about the other thing with Coulson, although she didn't quite get why she hadn't said anything to him yet.

"Chess and talking it is." He knew that Skye was probably going to try and focus her concentration on the game but Coulson wasn't about to give up when he finally had a way of getting to the bottom of this situation.

In the few minutes that went by silently without Coulson or Skye saying anything as they set up the board and chess pieces for themselves, she couldn't help but think that if he started questioning her as soon as the game began, what would she say to him? Fortunately, according to her, Skye found that she was wrong a half hour into the match against Coulson who seemed to be deep in concentrating on his next move without having asked a single thing. They were evenly balanced out in terms of the number of pieces they'd lost and how close both were to winning. And just like that, out of nowhere, in the midst of a long moment when Skye was debating whether or not to move her knight to take his pawn, Coulson spoke up.

"When was the last time you slept?" That's all it was. Simple but direct. He watched as she listened to his words and realize that he had been serious in saying that chess was just a distraction.

"I don't know. I can't remember." She was honest in her answer to him and briefly looked up to meet his eyes that were fixed on her, knowing that Coulson did believe her.

"How long have you been sleeping for when you do?" Coulson asked his next question, knowing that he would take it as far as he could.

"A few hours. Not much during the day if I try and maybe 3 hours at night." Skye knew there was no point in trying to get back to the game because now that she had already chosen to involve herself in this, there was no backing out.

"Do you know when this started?" He had folded his hands and continued to watch her while they went back and forth with each other, trying to get some real answers laid out on the table.

"Last week maybe." Even if her replies were a bit vague, Skye realized that she really hadn't been thinking about the details of her insomnia because she had been so focused on trying to stop the nightmares from keeping her awake.

"What was so different about last week that caused you to stop sleeping properly?" It seemed to Coulson that they were finally getting somewhere and maybe now he would be able to help Skye.

"I don't know. Just. Stress from everything I guess." She said a little too quickly as she shrugged her shoulders, hoping that he wouldn't ask her for more.

"Is that all it is?" Coulson had sensed Skye's reaction to this question and knew there was something she wasn't telling him.

Skye paused, hesitant to say something else to Coulson. Why was she so afraid of telling him about her nightmares? Was it because of what they were about? How he would react to hearing the details she found herself reliving even when she was awake? What if he could help her... but first she needed to help herself by saying that she did have a problem. Maybe then the nightmares would go away.

"No." Her voice was a soft whisper, but Coulson did hear her and immediately leaned forward so that he was closer to Skye and could see the tiredness in her eyes; she was so different from the young woman he'd grown to know ever since he'd met her, but that old Skye was still somewhere inside.

"What else is there?" He asked, wanting so desperately to take her hands in his and tell her that they'd get through this together, but he didn't. Skye needed a little more time and he was willing to give it to her.

"Nightmares." Sighing deeply, Skye closed her eyes for a second before opening them. "I've been having nightmares for a week now." She added, thinking that now Coulson would understand the reason behind her lack of sleep.

"And you think they're connected to your insomnia." Coulson stated. This time it wasn't a question for he understood that she was most likely suffering from a lack of sleep due to these nightmares.

"Yes, why else would I be having trouble sleeping?" She didn't register the difference that he wasn't asking her a question again; the fatigue was starting to take hold of her.

"I don't know, you tell me. Is there anything else that could be causing you to stay awake all night long here on the Bus?" It was an innocent question that he asked her only because the tone of Skye's voice made Coulson think there may be something more; the Bus was the only place where he'd found her, even when none of them spent the nights on board.

"Do you have a problem with me coming here every night A.C.?" Skye actually stood up when she heard him ask her that question, it sounded like he was trying to make her feel as if she wasn't supposed to be there.

"No. No, Skye... listen to me, I'm just trying to help you understand what's going on. You seem to find refuge whenever you're here and I think that might have something to do with finding an answer to this." Standing up to face her, Coulson started to reach out to take Skye's hand and explain to her that he was worried about her and would do whatever it took to help.

"There's no answer to this Coulson! I'm just not getting sleep right now, there's nothing either of us can _do_ about it. Even if I am an insomniac, I have a good reason to be this way but I also know that I'll get over it sooner or later. Let's just forget about this okay?" Her voice was slightly raised as she stepped back, further away from Coulson, not knowing what was going on anymore. All these questions weren't doing anything, she wasn't feeling any better. Being around him was only bringing up more questions in her mind.

Skye was too worked up to do anything else now and so, even though she felt every part of her body screaming at her to stay and face this with Coulson, she just left. If he was on the Bus then she needed to be on base. Maybe this adrenaline from her argument would drain itself by the time she got back to her room there and she could finally sleep the whole night long. Meanwhile, Coulson remained where he stood, staring at the empty space after Skye had left and knew in his heart that he had finally gotten through to her; this was just the beginning of helping her deal with whatever was holding her back and although she had run off before he could ask her what the nightmares were about, he knew that there was always tomorrow. As he walked to his room, Coulson's watch beeped, showing that it was only 2 am; his last thought of her just before he fell asleep was that just maybe... it was possible that Skye did manage to get sleep tonight.

 


	4. Fourth Night

Skye knew it had been wishful thinking when she had returned to her room earlier than usual, ever since this insomnia had set in, hoping that she'd finally be rid of it; but considering she ended up tossing and turning all night long, pausing only to stare at the blank ceiling above her head and debating if she should sneak back onto the Bus again, Skye gave up when her alarm had buzzed 7 am. She'd set out to start another day without sleep. Now here she was, for the fourth night in a row out of her room, but not on the Bus tonight. In an attempt to avoid bumping into Coulson, Skye had thought of the perfect place to 'hide-out' while still staying on base, hoping that she could find the courage to go and apologize to him when she did meet him. All day long she'd stayed with Fitz and his pet gerbil, not venturing outside his room even when Simmons and Trip came to meet him. Coulson hadn't come looking for her either.

"What is happening to me?" Skye said out loud as she sighed, resting her head on the counter; she was in the kitchen now and even though she knew that her mood was all over the place because she wasn't getting enough sleep, Skye couldn't figure out why she was thinking about Coulson.

If she was being honest with herself, Skye knew that waiting and hoping for him to show up tonight was just another one of her wishful thoughts. After everything that Coulson had done for her in these last 3 days, being there for support, staying awake till ridiculous hours, wanting to listen, trying to help her, she'd ended up storming off on him last night and wouldn't blame anyone but herself if he started to keep his distance; at least until she dealt with everything. Maybe?

"Stupid, stupid Skye." She muttered again, her mind was focused on Coulson as she kept asking herself why she hadn't let him help her. The one person whom she trusted the most, the one person capable of doing anything for her, and she'd ended up pushing him away.

Sighing deeply, she tried to block the thoughts of her nightmares, not wanting to think about them just yet. Instead, Skye remembered the reason she was here in the kitchen; Fitz had made an offhand comment to her earlier in the evening about how it seemed to him that she had abruptly stopped her habit of having a cup of hot chocolate whenever she needed a midnight snack. His words were true because Skye couldn't recall when she had actually sat down with some cocoa; it always used to give her a full night's sleep afterwards. Maybe that's all she needed to get past the insomnia for good. And so, getting up from her seat at the counter, she started gathering all the ingredients required - milk, sugar, a mug, Simmons' secret stash of marshmallows, but there was no sign of the cocoa powder anywhere. Standing there in the dimly lit kitchen, Skye glanced around at the cupboards as she looked for the main ingredient, she didn't know that she wasn't alone anymore.

"Gotcha!" Exclaiming softly to herself when she spotted a new and unsealed jar of cocoa powder in one of the cupboards near where she stood, Skye strode across the floor, still caught up in her thoughts that she couldn't sense the other presence.

When she opened the overhead cupboard, she glared at the jar, seeing how high up on the shelf it was. Skye knew there weren't any footstools and so stood up on tiptoe with an outstretched arm, hoping she could wrap her fingers enough so that she could bring it down. It was only then did Skye suddenly feel something standing close by; without thinking or turning, somehow she knew he was right behind her, Coulson. Not only was he there but he also had closed the gap between them as he raised his hand to reach for the cocoa jar easily; being taller than Skye was an advantage that he had but what she hadn't expected was that by not moving from her position in front of him, Coulson had to rest his free hand on the countertop right next to her waist, partially trapping her there.

"This is what you were looking for right?" His voice was a soft whisper as he held the jar in his hand, watching as she turned around so that they were face to face at last.

They were standing mere inches away from each other, except that Skye was looking away from his gaze on her. She had been surprised to see him but also felt a sense of thrill in her heart. And yet, everything that she'd said to him the previous night was something she needed to apologize for.

"Skye?" Coulson sounded concerned once again when he noticed Skye hadn't said anything. He set the jar down and touched his fingers under her chin, making her turn to look up at him.

There must have been dozens of thoughts running through her mind in that moment and yet, the second Skye felt Coulson's hand on her skin, she knew that putting everything else aside meant she was left to think only about her feelings for him. She'd always had them tucked away, not sure of what to do or say and after all that happened in these past few months, Skye didn't even know if what was right or wrong anymore; but standing there with him in the kitchen at a godforsaken hour, close enough so that his breath was warm on her lips, all she wanted to do was touch his cheek and tell him that she was better now. Everything seemed easier to deal with when he was with her. By her side, like he always would be. An unspoken agreement between them, but one that meant so much more in her heart.

"I know you might have been trying to avoid me tonight." He spoke up again before she could say anything first, "Which is why you're here and not on the Bus; but no matter what happened last night, I'm still not giving up on helping you Skye. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have questioned you like that, it wasn't fair to you." Coulson hoped that she wasn't still mad at him because he'd spent all day trying to figure out what to say to Skye before taking the next step in working this out together.

If Skye had been trying to say something before this, now it clearly seemed impossible to do so because the second she heard Coulson _apologizing_ to her instead of the other way around, she didn't know what to think. Why was he the one to say 'sorry' when he had done nothing wrong? Why was he still adamant on being there for her? Why wasn't she letting him in? All she had to do was talk to Coulson and tell him everything; including the possibility that her reluctance towards him was because she was afraid. Afraid of how he would react and what he would think of her. Skye knew the answers to her questions but didn't know how to stop holding herself back. Until that very moment. 

Hearing him apologize seemed to have changed something in her. Coulson noticed as much, but what he hadn't anticipated was Skye suddenly throwing her arms around his neck as she hugged him tightly and broke down crying, the tears streaming down her face and soaking his shirt within seconds. All her emotions that had been bottled up for more than a week now were freed at last as she let go; shaking with each sob that wracked through her body. Skye was one person who never let herself feel vulnerable around anyone but Coulson knew that the woman standing in front of him was anything but; he realized that sometimes even the strongest of people needed this release to help them get past their fears. Instinctively, Coulson immediately wrapped his arms around Skye as he pulled her close to him; one hand on her back and the other tangled up in her hair as he held onto her without saying another word.

"I... I'm s...sorry... Coulson..." Skye finally said once she felt the tears slowing down. She stayed where she was, her head resting against his chest, arms around his waist as she closed her eyes and let the calm fill her mind.

"Don't say sorry Skye, it's okay. You're okay now." Coulson realized that Skye needed to get the words out but all he wanted was to hold her in his arms for as long as they were together.

Before he even knew what he was doing, Coulson had placed a gentle kiss on top of her head as he sighed, knowing that it would be enough. For several more minutes, neither of them said anything else until... Skye moved back ever-so-slightly so that she was able to see Coulson but still held on to him. Not for the first time, she found herself thinking briefly of kissing those lips that were always tempting her, but Skye knew this wasn't the moment. Once all was said and done and she finally had a chance to sleep for many, many hours, then she would come back to this.

"A.C." She started to say, "There's something I have to tell you." Skye figured that even if she couldn't make sense of a beginning, middle or end to her thoughts, she knew that she had to tell Coulson about everything.

"And I'm here to listen Skye. Let's get you some hot chocolate first okay?" Coulson had a feeling that Skye was okay now but if she needed to get all her thoughts out then he would be there for her all night long.

"Oh. Okay." In all the crying and hugging, Skye really had forgotten about the drink As they finally let go of each other, she stood there to one side as she watched Coulson whip up a mug of hot cocoa for her within minutes. When she felt the warmth in her hands, Skye felt this lightness wash over herself and knew that the burden of keeping her nightmares bottled up inside her would soon be free too.

Walking with Coulson towards the only sofa there, she knew he was giving her time to gather her thoughts before she began. By the time her mug was half-empty, Skye had set it aside and faced Coulson who had left his hand upturned which she took in her own before she took a deep breath and told him of her nightmares; how long they sat there together neither of them knew but Coulson listened to her patiently as she detailed all her feelings and thoughts. It went back all the way to his capture by Raina, Ian Quinn shooting her, the confusion and anger and hate she'd felt when Ward's betrayal hit her, the sadness when she'd finally been able to see Fitz after his near-death experience, everything leading up to HYDRA destroying the one place she was starting to feel like home, it had overwhelmed her to the point of turning into nightmares over the last few weeks because every time she connected something to Ward or Garrett, she realized how it felt; as if they'd been played all along. And when Skye was finally done, Coulson didn't have to say anything to her because he knew that she had finished pouring her heart out. Combined with her emotional breakdown earlier, he quietly watched her laying down on the sofa, her head resting on his lap as she eventually fell into a deep and soundless sleep.

One quick glance at the clock across from where they were told Coulson that it was almost 4 am. While there was a part of her that wanted to try and see if he could lift Skye in his arms and carry her to the bedroom, he decided against it, knowing it was best not to wake her up. Or even try to risk it. There was a thin blanket near her feet and so, making up his mind, Coulson simply took it to cover and keep her warm while he stayed sitting upright, legs stretched out on the coffee table, with one hand running through her hair as he watched over Skye all through the night.

 


	5. Fifth Night

For the first time in a fortnight, the weather around Playground had finally turned pleasant and cool which was reason enough for Skye to find herself back on the Bus which was located in the perfect spot; parked by the entrance to the bunker whose doors had been left open since Fitz and Simmons were working on a camouflage mechanism that would shield the base from outsiders even if it wasn't locked. Skye had chosen to wait at the same spot where she'd sat on the first night Coulson had found her there, but the difference was, this time she was sitting in the center and gazing at the stars above. She could feel the light breeze blowing inside, sending goosebumps across her arms, but she didn't mind at all; after what seemed like a month to her, Skye felt the insomnia finally leaving her and she knew that it wouldn't have been possible without Coulson's help. Which is why when he walked up to the ramp a few minutes later and sat down beside her, she wasn't surprised to see him there... she had invited him.

"Skye, how are you feeling?" Coulson asked her. He could see the change of one night's sleep on Skye; apart from the dark circles which remained under her eyes, she looked like her old self again and he was glad to know she was getting better now.

"I'm good A.C. Thanks for meeting me here." Skye smiled when she saw that this time, they weren't on opposite sides of each other but sat side by side.

"Well when you said that you wanted to talk, I couldn't say no to spending another night under the stars with you now could I?" He knew what that sounded like but given everything that had happened last night, Coulson wondered if it was what Skye wanted to talk about.

They really hadn't gotten a chance to talk to each other all day long since they'd gone through a tiny emergency at the Playground for most of that afternoon when Tobias, Fitz's pet gerbil had mysteriously disappeared without a sign. After what seemed like hours and hours on end, Trip found the furry creature hiding out in Koenig's office under the desk. Even so, in the midst of all that madness, Skye and Coulson had found a moment to themselves when she pulled him inside the pantry to search for Tobias; she had only managed to ask him to meet her on the Bus later that night before Simmons' screams alerted them to chase after a new trail.

"I know I said 'talk' but really, I just... I wanted to say thank you. For everything." She had been trying to figure out how exactly to say the words to him.

Coulson was about to say something in reply, but Skye guessed that he probably would tell her she didn't have to thank him but because she wanted to and had to, before he could utter a word, she covered his mouth with a finger.

"I know I don't need to, but I am." Well aware of the fact that she could feel his lips, Skye focused on waiting to see Coulson nod and continued, dropping her hand to the side. "These past few days have been... intense. And you stayed with me through it all, helping me and making sure the others didn't find out because they'd worry and I didn't want everyone fretting over me while we're still taking care of Fitz. So... thanks A.C." Skye knew there was a lot more she could say to him, she certainly wanted to, but the night was still young and neither of them were going anywhere.

"You're welcome Skye, and you know that whenever you need to talk... or if you just need some company, I'm always going to be there." Coulson replied when she finally finished speaking. "And I sense that you do have something on your mind tonight, don't you?" He was curious to know if there was more to this conversation but at the same time, wanted to tell Skye that after all these days, he had come up with a solution to making sure that her insomnia was long gone.

"Sort of?" Biting her lower lip, Skye looked a little sheepish when she admitted to having another reason for Coulson to be there; even though she wasn't quite sure where the night would take them, she realized that they probably needed to talk about the previous night.

Seeing her in that moment, Coulson couldn't help but think back to what had happened in the kitchens the night before; after Skye had fallen asleep on his lap, she never stirred once for the next several hours. It was around 8 o'clock when she finally awoke and after a brief minute of silent awkwardness as she remembered what had happened, Skye only spoke to reassure him that she was okay and then they'd walked back to her room together so that she could rest some more. Now, here they were, in the chilly night, relaxing on the Bus all alone; a similar situation to the time they'd spent outside that motel with the pool a few months ago. When he turned his gaze to her again, Coulson noticed that Skye was shivering and instantly took off his jacket to drape it around her shoulders.

"What did you want to tell me?" His fingers had grazed her shoulders which weren't covered by her sleeveless t-shirt and he could see the effect his touch had on her but he didn't say anything just then.

"Umm... I actually wanted to ask... if you would tell me the story about your early days as an agent?" Skye wondered if she had suddenly touched upon a delicate subject when she noticed a flash of sadness in his eyes that vanished as quickly as it had come.

"Skye..." Coulson remembered that he had promised her to tell the tale when they'd stopped over at the Hub but didn't realize that she was going to ask him about it so soon. He'd hoped she would forget about it, not bring it up again.

"You did promise me." She interrupted mid-way, but quickly added, "It's okay if you don't want to talk specifics, I'm not asking for that."

"Then what are you asking for?" His voice had changed, it was softer now; but to her it sounded like... he was sad.

"Just a little about how things were back in the earlier days of S.H.I.E.L.D. How it was like, how you were like... basic stuff." Skye mentally whacked herself for not realizing the mistake sooner, after going through her own nightmares, how was she stupid enough to forget that Coulson had been through worse? Yet here she was, asking him about that life.

Taking a deep breath, Coulson didn't take more than a minute to make his decision that perhaps there was something of the old life he could share with Skye. As secretive as they both were, he did know more about her past than she knew about his. It was only fair to tell her more... and he'd been thinking of doing so for a while now, but never had found the right time. Maybe this was it.

"Things were different back when I first started as an agent," Coulson started his tale, knowing it was easier to talk about the far away part than the recent events of just a few years ago. "I was recruited much younger than you are now and I still remember the day I set foot inside the Hub, my reaction was basically the same as yours was. Everything was so real and captivating to me; the idea of what S.H.I.E.L.D. stood for and how I was going to be part of that, it made me realize that I had a purpose in life and ever since then, I decided to do the best I could." He hoped that it was enough for Skye; talking about a life long gone wasn't easy for him but somehow, it felt right to be telling her this.

"Did you ever imagine you'd get to where you are?" She didn't need to finish that question, her unsaid words rung loud and clear to Coulson; she was referring to his new title as Director. It was something he was still adjusting to.

"Honestly? I don't think I did Skye." He'd never really thought about it but saying the words out loud made him recognize that it was true. "As a level 1 agent, I never imagined I would take over as Director one day. I always assumed Fury would put someone else in charge, Agent Hill perhaps."

"You don't regret it though." Skye herself had no idea where she was going with this, but whatever thoughts were in her mind, she was speaking them out loud.

"No. I've made a lot of choices in my life and it's led me here. There isn't a thing I would change and do differently." When he heard her mention regrets, Coulson had only one thing on his mind and it had nothing to do with the past because he was solely focused on the present. This exact moment. He was done thinking about the life he'd left behind and wanted to be here, now, with the woman beside him.

Skye, who had no idea what he was thinking, felt surprised to hear him say that. She stared at him in wonder and knew he was watching her reaction; Coulson had _died_ and come back to life. She knew the importance and significance held behind that sacrifice but if there was any other way that he could have done something else during the Battle of New York, was he telling her that he wouldn't choose it?

"Why would you say something like that?" The words were out of her mouth before she could even process the thought.

"If I had, then I wouldn't have met a brilliant and clever hacker in a purple van in Los Angeles almost a year ago. She wouldn't have changed my life for the better, she wouldn't be part of this team because there wouldn't be one, she wouldn't be challenging me and disobeying every order that came her way, she wouldn't be the out-of-the-box thinker I would need, she wouldn't be the partner I never thought I'd have and she wouldn't be sitting next to me right now." Coulson knew he might have gone too far in revealing his feelings for Skye; it was possibly selfish on his part but he needed her to know how he felt.

As soon as he was done talking, Skye felt as if she was dreaming; she'd heard his words but couldn't believe that he'd been the first to confess to having feelings. And the way he had said it all... how... what... was there anything she could say in reply to that? She knew what her feelings were for him but this had come out of nowhere and it felt a little sudden to her. Coulson seemed to have noticed that in Skye because he reached out to grasp her hand in his, breaking through the reverie.

"Skye, you don't have to say anything right now. We can talk about this later; the only thing that matters is what I came here to tell you tonight. I think I might be able to help you get over the insomnia for good." He said to her, knowing that her silence was more due to the fact that she was in shock, they'd been through so much together and always found their way to each other.

"What?" Skye blurted out the first thing that came to mind which seemed to make sense. She was still processing his words.

"Let me show you." Standing up with her hand in his, Coulson paused for a split-second as he thought to himself if this was the best idea he had considering how Skye was reacting to his earlier confession.

"Okay." Somehow she was only able to reply back in monosyllables; Skye thought that maybe since she hadn't fully recovered from the overwhelming change of her insomia, it explained why she was reacting so slowly to Coulson's words.

He led her upstairs to his office, which also happened to be where his bedroom was and stopped just outside. Coulson knew he wasn't asking her for anything; this was just a simple suggestion to help Skye sleep better and if it worked then maybe she would say something about her feelings too.

"I know how this is going to sound, but trust me Skye, I just want to help." He explained, knowing that she was most likely confused now. "After trying almost everything we could think of to help you sleep better, we know hot chocolate works. And even though you talked about the nightmares giving you trouble, maybe your lack of sleep has been because your bunk is still not ready yet. Everyone else has settled into their new rooms at the Playground but..." Coulson started to say what his idea was.

"I do miss my old bunk." She finished his sentence with a deep sigh. "You're right A.C. So what do we do about it?" Skye was alert now; she wondered what Coulson was getting at.

"The thing is... since you've been coming back to the Bus almost every night... maybe if you slept here tonight then..." He wasn't quite sure how to finish this part but Skye did that for him again.

"Here? As in _here_?" The sentence completion thing was new for them, slightly, but Skye didn't find it hard to catch on. If she was thinking what he seemed to be thinking then he was offering her to spend the night in _his_ room here on the Bus?

"I would take the sofa outside." Ever the gentleman, Coulson knew he would give Skye his bed without any more discussion on the matter.

"That kinda defeats the purpose don't you think?" Skye was almost grinning now, she did like the sound of his idea but there was a problem with his logic.

"What... what do you mean?" He hadn't expected her to say something like and wondered what she was trying to tell him. Surely she didn't mean... or did she?

"The first time I managed to get a good night's sleep was yesterday, when you stayed with me. If we're going to try your idea, how does you sleeping outside in your office help? And we're only talking _sleep_ A.C. Nothing else." They were only a few feet apart from each other but Skye couldn't stop thinking that maybe the distance was too much between them.

"Right. Yes, of course. Okay. Well I should... I'll just go and make us some hot chocolate first." Coulson suddenly felt flustered, was he flustered? Why did he feel flustered? He was the one who had just told Skye about his feelings, more or less and yet here he was, trying to be cautious.

"Is it alright if I take a shower? I can meet you at the bar in fifteen minutes." Skye asked innocently, she really did need to take a shower before sleeping, maybe that was something which would work since she hadn't tried it yet.

"Sure. There should be a spare towel set." Nodding to her, Coulson took that as his cue to give Skye some privacy.

"Thanks!" Despite all the teasing that was going on, Skye was glad to know that he was doing so much for her.

When Coulson left her alone in his room, she couldn't help but think that maybe this was an opportunity that had presented itself for her to take. There were a few thoughts on her mind but Skye also knew that rushing into anything was what Coulson might not want, so she left all ideas aside and went to bathe. The moment she'd stepped under the shower and felt the steaming hot water soaking through her body and relieving all the aches and tiredness from her insomnia-filled week, Skye lost track of time, not knowing when the fifteen minutes had come and gone. When she finally returned to Coulson's room, wearing a robe she'd found behind the door, she realized that all her clothes were back in her room at the base and everything she wore earlier had been dumped in the laundry basket. If that wasn't a little unexpected, she had barely registered the fact that she might have to sleep in a robe, when the bedroom door opened and Coulson walked in.

"Skye?" If he had been a little flustered barely half an hour ago when offering Skye to sleep in his bed, the sight of her standing in the middle of his room dressed only in a robe, hair wet and cheeks red surely made him think twice before closing the door.

Acting entirely on impulse since her brain seemed to have shut down when she heard the click of the lock, Skye let her body take control as she strode over to where he was. Coulson also seemed to have thrown all logic, reason and self-control out the window when he met her halfway and pulled Skye in for a kiss. She reached up and wrapped her arms arms around his neck, hands going to his hair and silently granted him access when his lips nudged her mouth open; the kiss deepened as their tongues danced around each other and their bodies slowly mingled into one. Minutes later, though it felt longer than that, Coulson slowly broke apart from the kiss, letting Skye to catch her breath. Her eyes were still closed, her lips were red and her breathing was uneven but all she knew was that she belonged there, in his arms with her head buried in his neck.

"I love you Skye." Coulson whispered as he carried her to the bed, laying her down gently as he trailed kisses all over her body, ravishing the beauty she was.

"I love you too." Skye replied back instantly. One kiss was all it took, and if she'd known this would happen, she would gladly lose sleep over this any day.


End file.
